Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
