You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
