There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
