I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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