My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
