I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
