you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
