I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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