There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
