I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize