Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
