im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
