Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
