Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
