Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
