New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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