I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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