dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
