He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
