I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
