why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
