i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
