Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
