I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
