Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
