Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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