Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk is not a location!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
