He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
