Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize