I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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