dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
