it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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