I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
