i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
