I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
