I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
