I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
