I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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