Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Your penis caused this!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
