you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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