"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
