LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
