tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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