then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
