Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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