I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
