i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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