I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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