He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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