it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
