that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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