If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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