So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
