He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
