Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
