I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
