My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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