Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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