Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
