she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone came in the potted fern
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
