she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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