but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
