I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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