the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
