DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
4 words: hood of his car
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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