One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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