He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
