I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!