Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is my gift to your gina
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.