I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch