I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
