Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.