He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.