We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
