sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
