She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
