i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
