New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize