you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
