i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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